So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
