He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
