I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
