Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think I won the penis lottery.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
