fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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