direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
