True but thats because hes a fetus.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
