i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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