His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
