I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
