Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
