I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
