Everything about him screamed your future.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
