I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
