they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
we're so committed to being not committed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
