Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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