is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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