You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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