i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So much rum. So many feels.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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