when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
