Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
