They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Little spoons don't ask big questions
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
