woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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