After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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