Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
