You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
