Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
