I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
