We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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