I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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