My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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