i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The air was thick with penises
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Randomize
