i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I could fuck to npr.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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