she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
