Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
try to milk me bitch
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