i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
my poor anus
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
