Fine. I'll sleep in my office
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
