Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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