Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
