Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
