awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
4 words: hood of his car
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
