Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We were destined to go to rehab together
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
