i already hear my dad disowning me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
