you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
