Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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