My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
