Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
