You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
