Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
