either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
