He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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