He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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