We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
