Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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