he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
