If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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