Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
